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We're scheduled to shoot a short video next week. Here's our checklist:
My day job recently introduced me to search engine reputation management (SERM). Let's say you're a muckity muck at a company. When you Google your company name, the first-page results include links to negative articles, blog posts, etc. So, how do you change this situation, so that people searching your company don't see the rough stuff? Why, practice deception, of course!
All you have to do is hire a firm to perform SERM for you. SERM tactics tweak the series of tubes, pushing down the negative links while drawing up more positive portrayals. In effect, SERM buries negative press. Done and done.
We at Banana Florist want people to like us. That's why we try to be likeable. We want people to volunteer their own effort and bandwidth to point us out to their friends. That's why we try to create products worth talking about. We want to have self-esteem. That's why we do estimable things.
Search engines were created to gauge perception, not manipulate it. Companies that engage in SERM will always be chasing, always finding themselves behind the 8 ball. It's incredible what people will do to maintain the status quo. They've got businesses to run; they don't have time to figure out who dislikes them; why they dislike them; and take the time to engage those people. Heaven forbid! The thing is, the more underhanded tactics you engage in to mask your detractors, the more those detractors will dislike you, the louder they will voice that dislike, and the more new detractors you'll have.
Perhaps we're naive, but we think being personable and unique represents a solid foundation, come what may on the search engines -- and come what may in life.
Update III: Fixed! (I think.)
Update II: While publishing the first update, which stated that I fixed the original formatting problem, the template reverted to the messed-up version. If any of you are looking for a freelance blog designer, I'm available for an hourly rate.
Update: I actually managed to remedy the situation described below on my own, without breaking the Internet in the process.
RE: this snazzy new template that popped up without me doing anything behind the scenes (honest), I'm reposting our very first post, with minor alterations:
So, this is what happens when we decide to make a few minor tweaks to the blog, hours before the Banana Florist website launches.
While our buddies at WebSpace Atlanta sort out this whitewashed generic-design mess for us, enjoy browsing the floral selections we've set up at our main site.
A couple of years ago, my girlfriend and I shopped at the Levi's flagship store in San Francisco. Next door at Niketown, a line stretched around the block. Even the fashionably disinterested Levi's staff paused at the windows, wondering aloud what was going on. What's everybody waiting for? (read: What I am missing out on?)
For my day job*, last week I participated in a publicity event that involved people standing in line to get their photographs taken with an inanimate corporate icon. No free products, no real juice. I went into it wondering what I'd do to occupy the time. The line never stopped moving. People who waited for fifteen minutes got to the head of the line and asked me what they were waiting for. Passersby stopped and chatted in groups, speculating as to what was going on. Word spread down the queue from one person to another. Some people got their photo taken and came back for another with friends.
I walked away thinking, "People will stand in line for anything." Over the weekend, I realized what a cynical, short-sighted reaction that was. It's not a matter of people being drones. Rather, it directly points to how hungry all of us are to have an experience, to truly connect.
*Although Banana Florist continues to do well, I'm gonna honor #7 of Hugh MacLeod's How to be Creative for awhile longer.
Welcome to everyone visiting us via Daily Candy's latest Weekend Guide, which featured the Behemoth. We'd love to hear your feedback. Let us know what you think of Banana Florist here in the comments, and by all means shoot us an email if you have questions.
joe at bananaflorist dot com
I recently had a chat with a creative director at DDB. He said that copywriters don't win year-end awards for their ideas. If you're a copywriter worth your salt, you should come up with award-caliber ideas every day. Receiving an award for copywriting is recognition that you successfully escorted your idea past the gatekeepers. First you had to convince the account executive to present the idea to the client. After that point, you alternately prodded, reassured, politicked and occasionally growled. The award honors your effort to persevere, not the relatively commonplace excellence of the creation itself.
At Banana Florist, we don't have gatekeepers. If an idea makes two people laugh, it gets the green light. While we'd hesitate before suggesting that any of our ideas are "award-caliber," we do appreciate our freedom. If we end up failing, we'll fail on our own terms. We won't slink away choking on resentments, wondering what might have been, had we only been given a chance.
More than dreams of striking it big, the ability to fail on your own terms is surely the greatest privilege of striking out on your own.
Today we made an appearance on the Diva Marketing Blog, rounding out the top-ten tips on how to build a successful business relationship.
10. Joe Jarvis, Banana Florist - Make realistic promises and honor them to the letter, regardless of short-term losses (or gains).
Awhile back, we posted on having to cancel our very first order, because it wasn't clear to our would-be partner in crime that we only serve Atlanta. We could have wired the order to a florist in her area, but we couldn't have delivered on the "...and a banana" part of our promise, not to mention our claim to exclusively serve Atlanta.
Thanks to Toby at the DMB for asking us to participate.
Thanks to Michael Scott for providing the title for this post.
Back at college, our philosophy 101 class erupted in meticulously crafted debate and name-calling when we discussed Nietzsche's infamous proposal that "God is dead." It's a shame everybody remembers Fred for that particular comment, when one paragraph or so later, he asked, "Must not we now become gods ourselves...?" That always seemed to us to be the real point.
FTD has gotten some well-deserved heat for running an adwords scam, to trick folks into thinking they're buying from a local florist, when, as the Real Florists blog points out, "...flower orders sold through that site are processed by FTD and are either drop-shipped...or transferred to real local florists, less $13 - $15 services fees and 27% commissions."
It's just one in a long line of legitimate complaints that honest-to-goodness florists have against the wire services. 1-800 Flowers recently caught hell for perceived false advertising regarding shipping fees. Besides the ever-growing list of new misdeeds, the wires services suck in general. When you order from them, your flowers arrive in a cardboard box, get substituted, etc. We discuss this on our about page, where we zinged 1-800, and Florist Detective breaks down the situation far better than we ever could.
Now, here's where Nietzsche comes in...
OK, we get it. The wire services blow. Legit florists have well-founded compliants against the big guys. They're not playing fair. More than that, they're wrong, underhanded, deceptive, opportunistic, and have about as much passion for flowers as CarMax has for automobiles, or that any other clearinghouse has for whatever products they skim.
So, now what? Rather than join forces to sue the internet, what if we all helped each other find new opportunities? Instead of building our relationships on a mutual hatred for the wire services, what if shared ideas and passion stuck us together?
The wire services aren't going to change. We can spend our lives trying to nip at their passing tires, or we can accept the rules of engagement. This terrain suits us. The great thing about the internet isn't the instant gratification and boundless reach that has helped the wire services make their mints. Above all else, the fluidity of the online space makes it so gosh-darned wonderful. It's constantly changing, and with each miniscule fluctuation, we're presented with new opportunities.
The bulky wire services can't take advantage of these changes. Imagine if someone at ProFlowers wanted to christen a bouquet the ****Head from Buckhead. The idea wouldn't make it past the water cooler. How long do you reckon it took ProFlowers to come up with their tagline, "Send love, not like?" How many committees do you suppose were involved in massaging the copywriter's original idea until it turned into the ineffectual blob we all know and love?
Begininning this weekend, we're going to start moving on producing Banana Florist video content. We're going to do things that the wire services could never dream of doing, and even if they did, they could never dream of getting it past their gatekeepers.
All of us have these kinds of opportunities. Instead of focusing on the big guys' shortcomings, maybe we can start to concentrate on what makes each of us interesting in the first place.
Yesterday on his View from the Cop blog, Steve Rose posted a harrowing account of buying flowers from a disinterested florist. Basically, the florist knew Steve wanted something for his wife, and said nothing as our man walked out the door with yellow flowers. Steve's wife promptly informed him that yellow flowers indicate friendship. Things got pretty chilly. Shame that Steve didn't shop at Banana Florist. We go out of our way to point out which flowers suit which occasions.
Buying flowers constitutes an event. A lot of florists, like our friends at the Teleflora blog, like to publish laundry lists of which abstract emotions correspond to which flower. We try to contextualize things. Not sure what flowers to purchase for Secretary's Day? Our copy for the Unmixed Signal explains things. Think maybe red roses are a bit much after a first date? You're right, and will be relieved to read our description for Second Base.
But hey -- it's Valentine's Day. The Heist is a no brainer, right?
Update: Well, this is awkward. When we first linked to the Social Diva post mentioned below, we thought it odd that it was dated February 12th, and thus seemingly sent from the future. But hey, you can do anything with the internet, right? It turns out, of course, that the post first saw light in 2007, which, we understand, gave way to 2008 six weeks or so ago. We apparently need to tidy up our searches for V-Day activities in ATL. Apologies.
We mulled over the idea of creating an Anti-Valentine's Day bouquet, but decided against it. Social Diva's post on the Anti-Valentine's Day at MJQ makes us reconsider that decision. SD suggests you "practice your best Morrissey snarl before heading over for what is possibly the greatest night of dancing (Atlanta) has to offer." We wonder if it's too late for us to supply the gladioli for those wishing to take their Moz imitations a step further.
Update II: A reader informed us that this photo doesn't load while using IE, which is pretty flipping fantastic. This post has turned into a perfect storm of our tech incompetence and Moveable Type's obstinacy.
Our friends at the Teleflora blog posted last week about buying flowers for guys. The helpful entry outlines which flowers to give a dude, based on his personality.
Some of the highlights:
Metrosexual / Hipster
• Cufflinks are a must, as are natural fibers
Urban philosopher
• Living room lined with cloth-bound books, no paperbacks allowed
We don't know what hipsters the folks at Teleflora have been hanging out with, but natural fibers? An ironic preference for PBR and strong opinions on the Pitchfork rating system, sure, but are kids really clammoring for organic cotton when shopping for striped tube socks at American Apparel?
The "urban philosopher" sounds like a nightmare hybrid of Ron Burgundy and Mr. Show's finest moment.
If you know a guy who actually resembles either the "hipster" or "urban philosopher," don't buy him flowers. Spend the money on something that gets him out of the house for once.
Regardless of how florists spin it, giving a guy flowers -- generally speaking -- is like giving a woman a beard trimmer. It's a ridiculous idea. We created the Broquet to have fun with that, to ratchet up the absurdity. It doesn't matter if orchids are indeed the best choice for a hipster; they're still flowers and his friends will still clown him for getting them. But, if the guy receives the Prickly Pete, and opens the pristine white banana box to find the solitary piece of fruit inside and reads your message on our card, the back of which contains copy describing our "borderline co-dependent" customer service policy, the whole thing makes more sense. In that it makes no sense. But then, we've never really understood ironic juxtaposition. We'll leave that up to the urban philosophers.
We know you haven't exactly been waiting with bated breath, but we do apologize for the recent scarcity in posts. Tomorrow we're scheduled for a chat with our amigos at WebSpace Atlanta, to discuss switching our blogging software. We're not exactly sure what this entails, but believe it involves a system of pulleys and levers. As soon as that's settled, we'll be able to perform great feats of alchemy, such as displaying a permanent sidebar "link" to the main Banana Florist site, so that we don't have to continue figuring out ways to namedrop our own business in every post, as an excuse to direct readers back to the main site.
Hopefully Movebale Type will actually let us publish this post, unlike our last attempt at discussing Banana Florist's plans for Valentine's Day.
So, to celebrate the upcoming holiday -- an obvious boom time for florists -- we're thinking of visiting a few Atlanta banks that were robbed last year. We'll present our selection of roses as a gift for all the tellers. Inside the banana box, we'll include a note that reads, "We're Banana Florist, a brand-new, Atlanta-exclusive flower shop. We named this selection of red roses "The Heist" in honor of Atlanta's recent coronation as the bank-robbery capital of America. We hope you enjoy these beautiful flowers, and that the only thing that gets stolen this year is your heart."
Now, some problems. In order to maximize exposure of our visits, we need to shoot (with film, that is) our visits to the banks. Something tells us that bank managers don't warmly welcome recording devices, what with the whole idea of "casing." Secondly, in order to have something to film, we'll need to speak to the tellers or managers, introduce ourselves and the Heist. Again, we've got an inkling that talk of "robbery" and "heist" go over in banks about as well as "bomb" and "terrorist" go over in airports.
Any bank professionals in the house to offer suggestions?